Sprinkles and the Very Bad Storm

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a rather cheap umbrella named Sprinkles. Anytime it rained, Sprinkles did his best to keep the people dry. And the people were alway thankful, because even a cheap umbrella is better than no umbrella at all. Especially when it's raining cats and dogs. This made Sprinkles very happy.

Then one day, a terrible storm rolled into the land. Thunder roared in the darkness. Lightning raced across the sky like long, pointed fingers. Rain came down in sheets three-feet thick. The people were scared. No one could go outside in a storm like this! But that didn't stop Sprinkles. He gathered everyone underneath his tiny canopy, stepped onto the street, and braved the elements.

"Is that all you've got?" boasted Sprinkles, taunting the storm.

But as the wind picked up, his frail metal frame started to buckle. The people held tight to his rickety push-button handle, shielding themselves from the rain's piercing drops.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to let you down." assured Sprinkles, turning to those underneath him.

But Sprinkles was a cocky, stupid umbrella who was anything but prepared for a Category 2 hurricane. And so when an errant gust of wind blew in from the north, tearing the vinyl from his soft aluminum bones, he was turned completely inside out.

"Fuck, my spine!" yelled Sprinkles.

The people tried to help him, but the storm was just too strong. And with Sprinkles unable to protect them, the people were getting wetter by the second. And very, very angry.

"You betrayed us!" cursed the people. "You said you would keep us dry, but you didn't. We trusted you!"

"I...I thought I was stronger." whispered Sprinkles, rolling over on his side, near dead.

"Made in Taiwan. I knew it!" shouted the people, vengeance very much on their mind.

So, rather than dick around any longer with a shitty-ass umbrella, the people threw Sprinkle's lifeless body into a nearby trash can and headed back home in the pouring rain, playfully jumping in and and out of puddles as they skipped down the street.

The End.