Breakfast might be the most important meal of the day, but damn if I don't look forward to that mid-morning snack. Thank god for vending machines.
In 1888, long before the mysterious filling for Twinkies was brought to earth via a rouge meteor, the Thomas Adams Gum Company introduced the very first vending machines. These diabetes distribution systems were installed on the elevated subway platforms in New York City and sold Tutti-Frutti gum. It wasn't too long after Tutti-Frutti caught on, that New Yorkers everywhere could be found peeling it off the bottom of their shoes while shouting lengthy strings of obscenities.
Luckily, with advancements in technology, we've moved far beyond offering gum. Now you can buy just about anything from these metal monoliths, just so long as it 1) offers absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever and 2) is goddamn delicious. Other than that, the door is wide open, so long as you first move that little flap out of the way.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a dollar bill with E1 written all over it (That's short for Peanut M&M's).
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